You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want nice things and good sex
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
