Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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