these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
