People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
