my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
