Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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