so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize