She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
