my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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