I wish I could teleport
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize