He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
