She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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