I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
