Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
