I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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