omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
as a side note pls kill me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
