Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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