Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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