You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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