so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
