New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i think my cat just said my name.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Pants are for mortals
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
