you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
