before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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