He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
