sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
