girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
