dude i'm inner monologue high
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
