No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
