If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
