He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
