We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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