The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
be right there i have to get my cape
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
