Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
