So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
