If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I could fuck to npr.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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