i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You pole danced in your parka.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
