you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
