is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
