Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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