96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
