Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
