she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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