In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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