This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
