I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
