i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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