Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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