We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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