Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
