It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
