i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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