I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
