YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
