I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
