I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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