i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
