some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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