I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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