Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
