Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
