I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize