so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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