He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
