During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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