Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
