you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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