Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
