nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
