we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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