I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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