The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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