sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
