wakey wakey hands off snakey
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize
