There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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