we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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