so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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