I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize