I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
