One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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