..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
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