You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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