she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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