At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
