I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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