so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
