I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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