a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
