I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
