i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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