Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
