She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
