TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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