do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
