check it out our google latitudes are spooning
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Still dying that you shit outside
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
