The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
