I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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