I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
