There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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