YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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