i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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