I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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