I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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