I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
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