Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
