My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
