when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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