He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
