Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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