I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
